my first Valentine's after my first relationship

my first valentines since you left and it hurts to think of you with another. Do you ever think of me as I think of you, I wonder. I never truly believed in soul ties until we made ours together. Yet here I sit holding one end of a rope untethered while you make another. my only plans this weekend our babysitting some children while two people who love each other enough to commit to each other continue a connection built over time and compromise. I wish you had loved me as much as you say you did. instead of comparing me women online and your fears of being alone. someone who is too afraid to commit is afraid of being alone but the jokes on you cause women want exactly what you are afraid of. I flip between thinking I wouldnt take you back and also thinking if you actually came back and changed thinking I'd say yes quicker than a breath. I know you won't and I'm slowly coming to terms with it but it still hurts hard some days. this heartbreak was harder than losing my mother. I miss the smile I would get when I saw you, your arms around me, all the adventures and hours traveling together. I miss the peace I felt in your presence but most of all I miss the friendship and connection.