my first valentines since you left and it hurts to think of you with another. Do you ever think of me as I think of you, I wonder. I never truly believed in soul ties until we made ours together. Yet here I sit holding one end of a rope untethered while you make another. my only plans this weekend our babysitting some children while two people who love each other enough to commit to each other continue a connection built over time and compromise. I wish you had loved me as much as you say you did. instead of comparing me women online and your fears of being alone. someone who is too afraid to commit is afraid of being alone but the jokes on you cause women want exactly what you are afraid of. I flip between thinking I wouldnt take you back and also thinking if you actually came back and changed thinking I'd say yes quicker than a breath. I know you won't and I'm slowly coming to terms with it but it still hurts hard some days. this heartbreak was harder than losing my mother. I miss the smile I would get when I saw you, your arms around me, all the adventures and hours traveling together. I miss the peace I felt in your presence but most of all I miss the friendship and connection.
I haven't posted in a few years and honestly I don't remember the last time I wrote anything. But let me try to update this blog that no one reads. In 2018 my brother passed away. In 2019 I went through a harrowing experience where I became very sick and almost died. Well technically I coded which means I did die but they were able to revive me. I had to relearn how to walk. Which was super frustrating as 26 year old. Then in 2020 I became an aunt again to a little boy this time. Then 2021 COVID changed the world. 2022 my mother and best friend passed away and in 2023 I met a guy who changed my life in so many ways. And I wanna marry him! Here's to the rest of 2024!
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